The Journey Has Begun

So, today was the beginning of my weight loss journey. I know I said this would not be a blog completely about my weight loss, but today, it will be.

So, I thoroughly intended to start this on Saturday, but I woke up Saturday morning with a case of mastitis. For those of you who don't know what that is, it is a lovely little infection you can get while nursing, and I happen to get it quite often.

Sine this journey mostly will be dealing with exercise, I was disappointed b/c I could not work out until the infection was gone, which for me lasts about two days. So, on Saturday and Sunday I focused on just eating clean. I am proud to announce I have lost 1/2 a pound and that is something!

So, today was the first full force day. I was mostly really proud of myself. I feel like I stayed on target.

This is everything I ate today, the good the bad and the ugly.

Breakfast:

1/2 c organic milk

3/4 c raisin bran

Morning Snack

apple

Lunch- Now, I know that I swore off fast food (mcdonald's mostly being my downfall) but today of all days Caroline had a play date there. So, I know I could have eaten before or after, but it didn't happen.

So, instead of a burger and fries (my normal fare) I ordered a Bacon Ranch Salad with grilled chicken and ate it mostly dry. I want you to know on weight watchers, that is only 5.5 points! Not bad! I am not gonna lie, I did have a few fries. But, not a whole order. That is an improvement.

Afternoon Snack

A Zone Perfect Protein Bar and 2 Hershey's kisses (I had to get my chocolate in)

Dinner

Weight Watchers Three Cheese Ziti

Cup of steamed green beans

Kashi Soft Baked Strawberry Bar

I also had five 8 oz. glasses of water today, which is way more than I normally do.

Tonight, I went on a 30 minute walk/run with Caroline and I thought I was going to die. I thought i was going to vomit. But, I did it. None of those things were going to happen b/c I was that out of shape, but because I did it too close to dinner. Cash went down and I freaked out and left as fast as possible. I will not be taking Caroline with me in the future as she kept complaining about wanting to get out of the jogger!

So, compared to my normal diet, this is fantastic. Seriously, I am a sugar fiend and a fast food junkie! I am surprised I do not weigh a ton more than I do.

So, today was a good day. I am not going to measure myself or weigh in again until next Monday. Mondays will be my "weight loss" posts. If you want to join me on my journey, please do! We can do it together!

On to other things, I am just learning a lot in my walk with the Lord about living a purposeful life. I think I have gotten super lazy and just wish that things would be handed to me on a silver platter. And then I get upset when "it" (whatever that "it" may be) doesn't just happen. Like losing weight. Or, accomplishing anything else. You must be purposeful and work for things and I think I had forgotten that.

I am tired as I just got back from my exercise. So, I am going to stop. But there you go. I have T MINUS a little over 100 days to lose this weight. Today I consider a success. I ate pretty well, and I did my 30 minutes of challenging exercise.

YAY ME!

A Weighty Issue

"The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure." Sven Gorren Eriksson

So, I have a confession. I live in fear. Of a lot of things. But mostly I am afraid to do new or challenging things because I am terrified I won't succeed.

Examples:

Even though I want to enroll in seminary, I won't because I am afraid I will fail Hebrew and Greek.

Even though I need/want to lose weight, and have for awhile, I am afraid to eat better and work out consistently because I am afraid the weight won't come off.

Even though I desperately want to write a novel, I am afraid to write it because I am afraid no one will want to read it.

Now, I ask myself, where did this fear come from? Growing up, I was pretty successful at everything I did. I made mostly A's, I made almost every sports team I tried out for, I even made cheerleader my senior year without any experience. I just fearlessly tried out and made it (on a dare, I might add.)

We all are afraid to do things, but mine may be an acute case. I am not sure. So, I am going to my "blogerapy." Instead of paying for a shrink, I am writing it out, and seeing if any of you in the blog world have an opinion.

This is where I think my acute fear came from.

A few years ago, before we moved to Los Angeles, I accepted a job that ended up being one of the worst jobs a person could have. I was a Varsity Cheerleading Coach. And, I put that in all caps because it deserves to be capitalized. Anyone who would take above said job has to be a little crazy.

In walks Whitney Davis.

Bottom line, I was naive.

The thing was, I really wanted this job as a high school English teacher, but it came with a caveat. I had to be the Varsity Cheerleading coach as well. So, unbeknownst as to how bad it could be, at the age of 24 years, I became afraid of everything because I didn't know how to deal with the magnitude of failure I experienced in my first "real world" job.

I was confident my students would love me, that my cheer girls would love me, because I was a likable person. Wrong. They ate me alive. I had a tough time balancing all that came with being a new teacher (which I might add, involved a second period class full of delinquents that were repeating English II for the third or fourth time because they had failed all the other teachers), and all the demands and rigors of being the head of the cheerleading program and the varsity coach of a nationally competitive squad.

My long list of failures began two weeks after school started when a fist fight broke out in the above mentioned 2nd period class over a tube of lip gloss. Yes, a fist fight over lip gloss. And my list of failures hit a nice climax with half of my cheerleaders getting kicked off the squad for smuggling alcohol into my apartment during a team function. Wrap it up in a nice little bow with my department head telling me she believed I was a good teacher deep down but "sure as hell wasn't seeing it" and you had me crying every day, wishing I could find a hole to dig into and never come out of again.

Praise Jesus my husband got into UCLA and that I got pregnant because that guaranteed me a one way ticket out of there, but as a result, I feel like all I learned from that experience was fear. I tried everything in my power to be successful a that job, and nothing worked.

Well, the times they are a changing. I am tired of living in fear. My good friend, Kelli Kirkland Powers, has an awesome blog, called "Success is Relative" (www.successisrelative.com). Yesterday, after a nine year battle of infertility, she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy named Apollo Joseph Powers. Now, on Kelli's blog, she celebrates what she calls "Fearless Fridays."

Here is what she posited:

I thought I’d challenge myself, and all of my wonderful readers, to do one fearless thing every Friday and share their stories. I think the more we confront fear head on the less of it we’ll have and hopefully the more success and freedom we’ll experience.

So, today, she definitely has her fearless item covered as she is caring for her newborn son. And today, I am going to share with all of you what my "Fearless Friday" item is going to be.

After 4 years of being afraid that I can not lose my pregnancy weight (ever since Caroline was born), I am giving myself 106 days to accomplish my goal.

Fact: I was the skinniest I ever was on my wedding day (132 pounds with a 28 inch waist)

Fact: I gained 42 pounds with Caroline (I got up to 177 pounds!)

Fact: Out of that 42 pounds, I only lost 25 of it. At one point, I did get back down to 145 but it quickly came back on after I quit nursing.

Fact: I just had another baby. I only gained 19 pounds, and I have already lost all of that weight, so I am right back to where I started after Caroline. This is a good thing.

Fact: I am turning the "Dirty Thirty" this year, or as my husband calls it, the "flirty Thirty", and my sister in law Julie's wedding is near that impending day.

Fact: At 9 weeks post partum, I am a 5'5, 152 pound woman, with a 35 inch waist! (which, upon doing internet research, found out that means I am "high risk" whatever that means!)

I WANT TO LOOK GOOD AT THE WEDDING! So, I am committed to being purposeful about losing this weight and just being healthy again.

So, here are my goals:

1) To lose at least 3-5 inches off my waist.

2) To lose at least 15-17 pounds.

This is not going to turn into a weight loss blog, but I will keep you updated as to how I am doing. I have T-MINUS 106 days to accomplish this goal. As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I am scared to death. I am afraid I will not stay motivated, I am afraid I won't be able to keep up momentum, I am afraid of a lot of things, but this is all about attitude, and allowing the Lord to help me.

So, please pray for me to stay motivated. The thing is, I look at myself in the mirror and don't like what I see necessarily, but I also don't think I look that bad either (for having two kids that is). So, sometimes, as badly as I want to lose weight, it is hard to be motivated because I think I could be so much worse.

So, i am committing to at least 30 minutes to an hour a day of some sort of exercise 5 days a week. (I have to be reasonable as I have two young kids).

Also, no more fast food, which is a major issue for me. Sometimes, I am surprised I am not a tank. And eating clean, nutritional food.

As a disclaimer, I do understand that I am nursing and am not going to cut a ton of calories, so no worries there, I am just changing my diet to healthier food choices, which I do enjoy. It just about taking the time to have the right choices available.

If you have any words of encouragement or ideas about how to lose weight post partum, throw your ideas at me. I want to be successful at this. And I will be proud of me in 106 days when I accomplish this. I will post pictures as I go!

Now that this challenge is out there for the world to read, I am on it. This IS a weighty issue.

Love the One You're With

So, I haven't exactly been fair. To Texas, I mean. I need to clarify many things before I can continue on with this blog.

Fact: I do not hate Texas or Dallas. In fact, I have a fondness for my home state.

Fact: I do miss California. In fact, I have a fondness for it that may outweigh that of Texas.

Now, is this a bad thing? I don't think so. But, have I been fair to Texas since I moved back here? I would say not.

Here is the deal. I changed in Los Angeles. A lot. More than I ever imagined I could change, and all in good ways. God grew me in LA. He grew me spiritually, emotionally, and in ways I can't articulate.

So, today when I was on the phone with my friend Aimee and she asked where I "was" on my journey a year and a half after moving here, I finally realized what this is all about. I still love Texas, I just don't know if I feel like I fit in here anymore. I think I didn't realize how much I changed until I got back here.

Fact: It isn't always about me.

Fact: God has brought me back to Texas for the time being, maybe for forever.

So, what do I do with this? I need to TRUST GOD. He has me here for a reason. And I will work on trusting Him.

Fact: When I was in Los Angeles, I witnessed a miracle that changed my life forever.

Fact: I have learned a lot and will learn a lot from this miracle.

I saw God save my friend Katherine Wolf with my own two eyes, and after that, I will be forever changed.

For those of you who don't know my friend Katherine's story, she experienced a massive brain bleed, survived a 16 hour surgery, beat all odds, and is here today to tell about God's grace and mercy. Check out her story at www.katherinewolf.info.

A few weeks ago, Katherine had a surgery in an attempt to fix her double vision that has been haunting her since her stroke. She had a very painful recovery, and on one of her posts, she decided to list all of her favorite things to lift her spirits. So, in the same vein, I am going to list all of my favorite things about being in Texas. Maybe my next post will be about all the things I miss in Los Angeles, but today, I am going to "love the one I'm with" so to speak. I will brag on Texas. Because, God put me here. And I need to focus on that.

SO, here is my list....and if you are feeling like you are unhappy about something in your life, I encourage you to leave a comment and share your list of the positive things that have come out of that experience or thing you may not be so happy about all the time. Because every cloud has a silver lining. NOT to say Texas is my cloud. It's not. I just changed, and I am still readjusting.

So, here is my list. Enjoy:

Things I Love About Texas (and Dallas too):

1. I can say "Ya'll" and people don't think I am crazy.

2. I live 15 miles from my mom and dad. My mom is awesome and helps me with the kids a ton. I do believe God wanted to wait to give me a successful second pregnancy until I returned to Texas. He knew how badly I would need my mom.

3. I met my husband in Texas, and his family loves this state so much that soon all three of his sisters will be living here!

4. We can own a home in Texas. (honestly, we could not do that in LA).

5. Cost of living is relatively reasonable here! :)

6. We do have a variety in the weather, and it can be extreme at times. It keeps it exciting. I have to watch the weather every day!

7. I love being able to drive to Austin. The hill country is so pretty.

8. There are more restaurants per capita in Dallas than any other city. I love to eat! And we have a Sprinkles Cupcake store, which is a favorite!

9. I love going to Texas Rangers games.

10. I love the southern accent, especially my mom's!

That seems like a good place to stop for now, but there may be more to come! Love the one you're with, whatever that may be. I am trying. And it's not so bad.

I Say Goodbye, I Say Hello

So, here I am. I am back. I started a blog. Then I stopped a blog.

"Why did you stop?" people asked.

"I had nothing nice to say about where I was in life, so I stopped it."

The first blog I started was intended for our friends in California. It was a way to help them stay connected to us, but it just made me sad. We missed Los Angeles so much and all I wanted to write about was how much I didn't like Texas anymore. And, I felt that was not a healthy thing to do. I guess I am a classic case of discontent- I am never happy in my current state and always look back on the past with nostalgia, but I don't know.

So, anyways, even though many of my sentiments are still the same, I have decided to re enter the blog world, mostly due to the inspiration of several of my friends who have fantastic blogs. Look at my blog roll to check them out!

All of them, ironically, are my friends in LA, and I have so much fun reading them that I decided to come back to the blogging world myself.

So, I said Goodbye, and now I am saying Hello!

Glad to be back, glad to see what I learn through this experience.